kinda personal - but oh well. (:
i think i'm broken.
--whatcha mean broken?
broken in a sense that - if i love you - or maybe in love with you ... kissing me is all your gonna get.
--WHAT ? that makes no sense.
alritee alritee ; i'll explain - i'll explain. (:
so ; starting my sexual ... beginnings - my first was some guy that to this day still doesn't mean shit to me. niqqa was sexy as fuck. like the sexiest niqqa i've fcked with- EVER, but us & a relationship; i knew it would never work.
second niqqa - i knew when i first started talkin to him - damn - i could see myself with him . but once we got to talkin & getting to know each other - i seen shit - he's not even my type. we agreed on only one thing which is sex. although he didn't know too much & neither did i, we learned from each other.
the two other guys - one of em used game. i knew it was game ; but i fell for it. i knew that shit wasn't going to work between us. & i figured that if i played along like a dumb btch-- it'd make him feel better & it did. he thought he had me with all the ,"baby, i miss you" or the " your the only one i want & were going to be together" BULLSHIT. but i'm smart - & i was physically attracted to him ... so hey - shit got popping. in the process of messing with him - i lost someone. [[no details]]
then the other guy-- waste of time.
but none of these guys - i was in love with / or had any kinda relationship feelings for.
& the people that i'm in relationships with or "love" - i never give them that chance. i don't know why but thats just how it goes.
is that the right way to describe whatever this is? or is it i haven't found the right one to "love" to give the chance too?
i've shared this with one niqqa i thought i "loved"- & he was really shocked & was glad that i told him that because he got insight to the way i see things & why i don't do shit with him. he seemed to have no problems. he was accepting of it.
at the end of the day - it seems like niqqas can do what they want or who ever they want ... & not get judged by who- or - how many btches they fck. when girls have the "niqqa mentality" - & say they fck mad niqqas - they are a hoe , whore, slut, & other names. i dnt get why there is such a issue. when guys do something is ok - but if a female did the same thing its wrong on her part. my friend has been having this issue in here life & that sht bothers us. & different guys give us there pros & cons about the whole situation. basically niqqas judge btches - but btches aren't suppose to judge a niqqa.
all of it is stupid to me - but i choose NOT to do shit with people. unless we've had past experiences- i'm not fckin with cha.
& if your reading this & your surprised -- guess what? its all the REAL facts. so whatever the FCK you've heard - gon ahead & smack the lying BTCH tht told cha. (:
Thursday, January 29, 2009
kinda personal - but oh well. (:
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
precia precia precia.
damn bruh - i swear; i have to go & thanks mr. jones for not moving your seat in Algebra 2. because he always asked ; where will your friends be after this class? - & got damn; one day of skippin is all it took for us to see -- damn thats my twin. not physically - but got damn mentally- we two peas in a pod. (:
your post brought tears to my eyes. not alot of shit can do that now-a-days. its been an exactly year that i've known you & i wish it'd be longer. but i feel you came into my life at the right time & helped me realize who was really a friend & who was just a FAKE ASS BITCH. you helped me realize what a "REAL friend" really is & how they act.
& that day when you told me about your sister; i could tell that it was something that was really important part of you & your life. so i knew when her birthday came around ; it would be really hard on you. but then i thought - in a sense ; she's not here ; but i'm trying my best - to be your big sister. and not only your sister but one of your closest friends. & i meant every word i told you that day. i will stay a true & trustworthy friend to you. & will always be here.
& no matter how far away - shit ain't gon change but my address. i'm always one text or one call away. or a 1 hr. 30 min drive away. yeah it'll be hard for you to lie without me; but hey; it'll all work itself out.
& everyone knows that we are always together & prolly think that your my best friend ; but although that spot it filled - its been filled before & before & before... but the thing about a puzzle piece - only ONE PIECE can properly fit to complete the puzzle. & that one piece will & forever remain you.
& girl i can't wait til you turn 18 because we'll be connected. even tho; we got damn connected at the hip to each other.
& girl - when i go off to college - i sure as hell am gonna miss those omelets. (:
&& one more thingg...
- i fuckin love you puzzle piece.
im going thru something right now; but i can't put it into words; like - UGHHHH ! like i don't UGHHHHh! thats all i can say. i don't see why people just can't tell you shit to your face or wen you txt or over the fone; like i don't see why shit happens like that. like all these FAKE ass muthafuckas surround me & got damn i don't like it. just tell me . TELL ME.
stop writing about me on got damn facebook or your blog. & if you do ; use my name or something.
& dnt try to act one way when your with me -- then totally different when we aren't together. i just don't get it. i'm a very protective person & if something is mine... or was mine... i admit - i'll flip when another btch that i know gets a ya know " taste " of it.
its just me - i can't change it. so whateverrrrrrrr....
ima bad ass btch
wit some sick ass sht
Hit ya niqqa up
but yu gon hear a click
he too busy wit this clit
to be worried bout his dumb ass bitch
buzz buzz yu keep txtn his fone ; oh oh - his tounge ; its making me moan .
dnt get me wrong - I knw this aint rightt - but baby boy wouldn't let me put up a fight .
todays' events- have really made me realize why i HATE people so much.
they are just so stupid. like i really don't get it.
but; fuck em' ...
& i realized - i'm some people addiction ... strange right? - i believe so.
people checkin' up on MY SHIT just to talk about what i'm doing with MY LIFE.
its real FUNNY how that all works out . & dumb btches that STALK my shit --
GET A FCKING LIFE & DON'T LET MINE BE YOUR ENTERTAINMENT.
thoughts of LC at 4:47 PM
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
i must say ; when i heard this; i was like ... the FCK? but i listened to his single,
& i acutallly enjoyed it. i'm a wayne fan - but when i started fckn with drake & tyga;
he somehow faded into the background. but sht; i like this ROCK kinda sht tho. it just
makes me wonder how the rest of the album is going to be.
heres a sample.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
& we ride on them things like everyday
big beats; hit street; see gangsta roamin'
&& parties dnt stop til' 8 in the mornin'."
yesterday ; i left sucky ass nc & took a trip with my fav. btch to ATL.
we're here for the battle of the bands - all the HBCU school are here. i've never been to the for anything - just drove through when i was going to alabama. but last night; we drove through downtown & i must say - it was NICCCCCCCEEEEE.
now i'm just in the room - waiting to leave. some stupid person told me they hoped it "rained on my parade" & sure enough its raining. but oh well ; that shit ain't gon effect my trip. lol.
all the way here i was texting the NO GOOD guy & ugh - it seems like he is still trying to maintain a friendship - which i'm fine with. i think that the feelings are still there - but i know he's no good for me and i can do MUCH better which is part of the reason why i'm doing better & got back with my EX. my puzzle pieces says that he's better for me and we didn't have that many problems - other then arguing & a few STUPID lies & not seeing either other ; but i start back driving NEXT WEEK. so all the kinks should be worked out then. hopefully.
i've realized that its hard to put your place where it really belongs. like i know where my heart wants to be ; but i know where my mind is telling me is right. its really hard to listen to my mind & not follow my heart; because i know that my heart is telling me to wait around for him* - but frankly - he has TOO MUCH shit with him. so i'm where i belong . i just have to start believing it & living it- & stop talking to him as much.
ANYWAYS; i'm ready to have FUN & not think about any of my worries left in NC.
& find a lil ATL boo. (:
signed ; lc.carter.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
when i see yu; i wish i never met you
when i look in your eyes; i see our history
when i think of love; nothing but your name comes to mind.
when everything is going wrong with him; i think of you .
no matter what i do; i can't get over what we had.
even though you treated me wrong; fckd me over; its you i want; its you i want to be calling me .
baby, its you.
even tho you cheated; & i deserve better- i just cant let go.
i always think , he'll come back around, he'll miss what we had.
it hasn't happened yet...2 yrs && all we do is exchange hellos'.
friends, lovers, - we had it all.
coming out of it ; i left with nothing but faded memories.
how do i let go? how do i get over you?
--its just something that i need to know.
thoughts of LC at 10:14 PM
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
so, last night; i couldn't go to sleep at all. i guess i had to much bullsht on my mind; so i tlk'd on the phone & listened to my ipod - then at about 6- madres; "boyfriend" had to go to work; so i looked out the window & was surprised to see SNOW .
sht; if it gonna be cold it might as well snow. - so i'm glad to see it did.
we all went outside like big dummies - it was cold as SHT out there.
but all in all - i love snow days. its just pretty & white. (:
of course when i'm having a OK day compared to the night i had , my best friend called - i ignored the call bc i was chit-chatting with my mom...then i recieved a txt from her & said call her, it was important.
so i return the call & here that ol' girl...wrote a note about me on fcbk. so i read the BULLSHT, & frankly throughout the WHOLE thing - she just ... UGH! - ya knw; i'm not gonna comment on the BULLSHT.
but i'm so over it; i realized- i know who i am, i know what i've done, and i knw im real - so when asked question - i tell the TRUTH. & i know where i stand with him & he know where he stands with me. & at the end of the day - thats all that matters.
im mature - because unlike HER i don't sit her & call her names & let people only get one side of the story. so whatever.
life's back to being GREAT.
&& fyi - my puzzle piece; [yu knw whu yu are] - is the best thing that has happened to be in a LONG ass time. your always there. & the message you sent me today- help me so much & helped me forgive & forget. ily puzzle piece. <3>
thoughts of LC at 3:39 PM
Monday, January 19, 2009
remind yu: me & this dude have been talkin' for like a month now & sht; but we got kinda serious with the bae & im feelin yu; yu feelin meeh kinda sht bout 2 weeks ago.
remind yu: this niqqa comes to my house & stay for a whilee.
remind yu: he told me that his ex wouldn't get over him.
so I [ALWAYS] think that he lies about everything & all the sweet shit he says ; I feel like its all game - but when we chill - the niqqa is so deep & I can tell by the way he looks me in my eyes ; tht he speaks the truth . but its so hard to get use to hearing the truth & not just lies or game . anywho ; sht is going [great] right now . hope it stays the same . (: --my words .
soooo tonight; we were txtn & i asked; bae- why didnt yu come see me today? & he says - bae you didn't invite me, but can i come over? i reply- of course bae. so i ask; are you going to be here in one hour or wht ?
[[i ask this because last night; he was suppose to be here at like 8-- but this niqqa nvr showed. so at 9:30ish; he calls & he's all like; can i still come over? & i'm like uhhh whtthefck -- NO! & he's like please bae; i have a good reason . i was like NO! & he's like -- what if i bring you some candi & some roses? & i was like yeah sure whatever. & he's like im serious. & i was like yeah sure whatever.
fastfoward-- he shows up at my door with candi & chocolates ; so of course i let him in. ]]
PLAY: so he says he'll be here in 20 min. & i was damn sure surprised when he showed up after 15 min. so he comes in; everything is fine; i had to finish doing my hair, so he just watched TV while i finished. then we pick out a movie to watch & shit.
so were almost done with the movie & i notice he's gettin mad vibrations & sht on his cell ; that he's not responding to.
then 5 min later- i get a message from him on fcbk [facebook]. so i read the shit && it says::
hey larissa...this is *****, ********** girlfriend. could you call me asap? my number is 555-555-555
i re-read that sht like ten fckn times-- then i read it outloud. he looks back & asks- did she just snd that ? & i was like yeah she sent it from your account too. so this dumb sht niqqa turns around & continues to watch the movie. so i figure ima wait til the end of the movie to ya know say something.
the movie is over.
i simply ask him - are you sure that you don't have a gf?
he says i told you i did ; but were on break , well we broke up.
i say with a girl; being on a break; & breaking up are two different things.
& he says yeahh.
then he gets a call & has to leave.
so i call my btch & she tells me that i need to call ol girl.
so i call her & tell me why-- this niqqa got this girl pregant & she tell me that they are on a break , but still talk & tell me why-- im the THIRD girl that he's done this sht with. then she breaks DOWN ; crying & everything. i felt so fckn bad. & i said i was sorry; & she told me - i have no reason to be sorry; bc she knows that he does this- but she's still with him. so its her & his fault for lying. all the shit that came out his mouth were fucking lies.
WHT THE FUCKKK?
this btch is pregant & i was worried that she was being crazy & sht. ?
in conclusion -- i'm DONE with this BULLSHIT .
this sht is crazy as fck. i can't believe once again some bullshit has happened.
all i ask for when i'm talkin' to a niqqa is HONESTY & thats all i fail to get from EVERY niqqa i talk to . so ya knw wht;; i'm fckn done. i'm gonna play the fckn GAME just like them .
signed- a VERY fckn PISSED lc.carter
thoughts of LC at 11:50 PM
Saturday, January 17, 2009
sometimes i wish; i didnt catch feelings.i wish i couldn't open up & give people the best of me.its said that- the more you give yourself to someone; the more opportunity your giving them to hurt you.if that is true- no wonder why i'm always hurt.i tend to catch feelings rather quickly. i've tried with all my mite; not to- but my personality allows me too.i end up hurt; alone; and drowing in disappointment.its something i think i need to work on; but i'm not sure i'm how to.when i think that i've found that one person that is right & i think that they are right for me; as soon as i remove my guard; BOOM - i fall flat on my face. they change. everything changes
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
sooooo; 2 days before christmas; i had ACL reconstruction surgery . which fckn suck'd. && it was so hard; gettin outfits to go with the big ass brace. but...today i went to the doctor && now i offically dnt have to wear it anymore. go me.
very exciting moment.
thoughts of LC at 8:12 PM
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
"after all of the times that we've tried; i found out we were living a lie ;
&& after all of this love that we made; i found out you dnt love me the same. "
real sht; real tlk.
fact; im still in LOVE with my ex.
-which makes no sense being we broke up [ages] ago.
fact; i see him everyday- & everyday; more of my heart is breaking.
- & i always said that i wouldn't be one of THOSE GIRLS that
let there "man" do them wrong & still be all in LOVE with 'em.
--but ; im that girl.
fact; i haven't been nor felt the same in a relationship; since him & me.
-i feel like i can't open up anymore to anyone else; until i fully LET GO.
it seems like i'll never be able to ; because i can honestly say
-if the niqqa called me right now & said he wanted to be together...
i'd be the happiest girl in the world.
fact; innocent guys get caught up with me & end up broken hearted.
- one, because i can't give my all. two, i can't let my real feeling get involved anymore.
& three, i don't trust ANYONE.
fact; i know i need to let go because we aren't EVER going to get back together; but its so hard.
signed - lc.
thoughts of LC at 7:24 PM