Monday, April 13, 2009

LC blackberyy notes .

right now ; I'm in the car on my way back from myrtle beachh ): - I had so much fun . unlike where I'm from - there is sht to do down there . but anyways ... everything with me is iightttttttt . I have a new friend in my life ... we'll call him [CL] (: ... we started talkin a few days ago & we haven't stopped since . he's real funny & I really like talkin to his retarded ass . (: .

anywayssss ...

as I'm in the car - I'm looking thru my bb & I'm finding all these unfinished notes that aren't finished . most of em are about guys or life . & one of em says some real deep sht ;;

"everytime. I kid yu not . everytime, the same sht happens . the sameeeeee sht . LC I love you baby . LC I love you bruh. LC I love you & I'm devoted to you & only you - then got damn 2 days later your cheating . what's the point ? honestly if & wen I'm in a relationship - I REALLY do my best to make the sht work . I don't cheat & don't "talk" to other guys like that . I respect my sigifigant other . until we hit that rock . the relationship killer rock . either the rock is caused from hearing things about your ass , or catching you in a lie, or just a sudden change of boringness in the relationship . & once you hit that rock - oh its a done deal . "

-idntknw why its not finished , or why I won't finish it - but for some reason I'm so over the idea of a "relationship" . until a person comes along & shows me the purpose or a reason - its all pointless . yes, I did cheat on my last bf - but it was simply because he was boring - he wasn't my type , we didn't do the same things - we didn't have personalities that went together . being friends is all we shoulda been .

another thing I didn't finish;

"damn -- I swear cops get on my nervess . like wht is the purposeeeeeee ? ugh - they should be on there grind gettin killerss - but instead they go thru the parks at night .

let me tell the storyy .

so my people & I was chillin in the park - rollin up & sht . we smoked & got lifted --chilled in my girl car til she had to leave then transferred to my niqqa car . while sittin' there it was gettin later & later until it was bout 10:30 & we all just in the car - FCK'd up . so we see a car coming into the park & just see that its another car just coming to chill after hourssssss . soooo we all chillingg - then another car comes down . to our suprise it was a damn cop . so my niqqa being the dumbass that he is - beeps his fckn horn & the BRIGHT ass lights came on . so of course she gets out the car & sht & comes to the car askin wht were doin ? & do we have anything illegal in the car & have we been smoking .... I swear I was nervous as hell cus I didn't knw wht was in his car . so I didn't say sht & let him do all the tlking & communicating - cus wen I'm fcked up - aint no tellin wit the hell imma be talking about . - so he tells her there is nothing illegal in the car [ as the other car that was in the park - drives off fast has hell - she catches the tags & call em in ( hahaha )] & that we hadn't smoked - but a person that was there b4 had a black -- so she returned to her vechical & then three other cops came up there & blocked in the car on the sides & sht & shined there BRIGHT ass lights in the car - so my niqqa asks the police office tht was wlkin up to the car if they could turn the lights off or something & he got the biggest attitude EVER & responded - "sir, your trespassing, & in my personal opinion , the "light" is going to stay on - so the area is well-surrounded". -the fckkkk. ? - by this time I was kinda worried , cus I didn't see the point of all the officers being there . finally the lady from bc said he could go to jail for trespassing - but she let him off with a warning & made us leave the park . "

- bruhhhh, that sht was crazyyyyyy as hell . cops be on some other other type sht . esp. down there a myrtle - they ride bikes on the strip & look directly into mothafckas car ... & wen we were goin to the club - they was arresting niqqas for not being in a straight line . THE FCK? so stupid .

another thing ;

" everything you are - made me everthing I'm not - jumpin from lie to lie : being honest - yu'd never play the part

Thought yu'd be different - tried not to doubt you from the start . But ima smart girl, I knew we'd never make it far.

I let my heart get involved & let the lies over run us.
when I came back on the come up - my dream was over & reality set in. "

damn ,
I dnt even knw what that was about . but that sht real . Lol.

& another one -

"got my head twisted
missing wht we had .
Every conversation
a memory of our past.
looking back at it
its something that
I couldn't live without
Now I go thru life without a doubt
I made the dumbest decision of my life .
Being with you was a privliage that I took
For granted. I didn't realize that wen I had you - now all I got is pictures to remind me ."
- I know who that's about. someone that I shouldn't even be thinkin about - but damn I miss him . & its not the kidd .

& the last one -

"where was I three years ago ? - that's the question that has been lingering in my mind since I left his house .

three years ago - I was playing games with lil niqqas that dnt mean sht to me now... I'm sitting here with shoulda, woulda, couldas - pondering in my mind .

peep this ;; we gon call him T. man , T & I have knwn each other 9 yrs . he's the one person that I still keep in contact with from elementary school.

even tho we was young - he was the first guy that I really liked to be around . from playin on the playground to hanging with each other outside of school . in like 5th grade - I met the family. his mom, father, & sister. they were all so sweet & so friendly .

by 6th grade we were in a relationship - even tho we went to different schools ; we keep in contact & still chilled . I honestly thought I was in love with him [ sht , I didn't even knw wht love was ]. anyways - once he left schools in durham - It was kinda hard to contact him. somehow we broke up & stopped talkin until like 8th grade & the summer b4 9th grade - sht was good ya knw . but neither of us wnted to reflect on the past een tho we knew the feelings were still there .

[fast foward]-- he txt'd me in october of 2oo8 & my heart dropped . I knew the # but wasn't quite sure - so I asked & I was right : it was him . we've been talking everyday since . he just got out of a [[LONG TERM]] relationship (2-3 years) !! the girl he was with - started doing some pretty FCK'd up things . so of course talking & chilling with him brought up all of our old feelings & stuff - but I tried to let'em all go because I dnt wnt to end up with a broken heart - but for some reason ; neither of us can let the feelings go . which is a problem -- I told him that if he wnted to be with me :: then she has to be completly outta the picture & being that they just broke up - its gonna take him a while . I mean , wht am I suppose to do ? wait ? "
- boyyyyy, this sht is crazy . after I wrote this - about 1 month later , we stopped talkin , for some reason . I can't even remember the sht right now . but it was something dumb & now --- we hardly even talk .

see, why waste time on people if they just end up doin somethin to fck sht up in the end . ugh - everything is just [pointless] .

but I knw this sht long as hell , but oh well. if yu love me , yu'll read it all (:

peacee .



Laur said...

beach.... MMM.
me = jealous.

as for boys and relationships.. I feel youu girll UGHH;
just keep the head ^ :)