11.11.09

11.11.09


what to say ?


it was fun while it lasted?

i hate you!

fuck you !

i love you bruh .

idk how i feel today .
i don't know where my feelings stand with him, or how he feels.
he let me go & now i'm where i wanted to be , but i realized that where i want to be isn't comparing to the chemistry i had where i was. confusing , yes !

am i happy ?

- yes.

do i miss him ?

- yes, all the time .


"Damn we used to kick it
Now we disconnected
I thought we was different
But we ain't no exception
Late night texts
Keep us arguing
Used to be running through my mind
Now you're jogging
Now you're just walking
And footsteps lightly
Until they start to fade away
And all I hear is silence
But it ain't here never after no attachment
Used to be amazing
Don't know how that happened
Used to say I love her
And I would really mean it
Now I'm sitting thinking
Trying to comprehend the meaning"

the last thing that we talked about was being at two different places in life right now . i know that was a real reason why our relationship was suffering , but i didn't want to lose you even though that was an issue.

we've had problems since the beginning & we worked through almost all of them, or we didn't discuss em, & we just let em ride. but i think we gotta put our attitudes to the side & TALK about shit . our feelings , everything. at least that's what i want. so even if we don't have a relationship, we still have a healthy friendship.

i'm not really sure how he feels, but this day was special to me . . . & i hope it's still special to him.

-lc carteR.

must taste real good .

I shouldn't address the bullshit, but I want to anyways . lol.

- let me explain something to people.

only about 2 people in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD know my story as of now . those TWO people, have been eye witnesses to the events that make the life the way it is . & those TWO people are the only people that understand my decisions & my personality . so if you aren't those TWO people, you shouldn't have SHIT ELSE TO SAY ABOUT ME . or my LIFE .

people always are focused on the NEGATIVE aspects of my life that they forget, I'm not some non-goal oriented female. i have goals & i know what i need to do to achieve them & i also know that i have to get other stuff together before i begin fulfilling those goal. I've had a shit load of stuff happening since my 9th grade year in high school. & people fail to realize, i NEVER once until this year, expressed my emotions & situation to anyone that wasn't apart of it . i NEVER opened up completely to anyone. i ALWAYS maintained like everything was fine. but now i realize, I'm only tricking myself. shit doesn't get better if you don't address it . that's how change comes along .

so for the people that STILL feel the need to talk about my life, I'll just keep it in my mind, that your upset that your life is so BORING that you had to MAKE UP YOUR WHOLE LIFE to get play in any body's book. at least my life is the TRUTH . I'm a REAL bitch, that is doing REAL shit & is having REAL issues. you just FAKE your life . grow up .

-LC ( :

randommmmmmmmmmmmmm

random ass thoughts again .

- people always wonder why i say i hate people, or why i don't trust people & shit like that .

its because of the experience's i've had with people i've encountered . the stupid, fucked up , mentally retarded nigga's i've met. THAT'S WHY . no one seems to be real now-a-days. even people that have been what i thought , "best friends" have been fuckers that have done some stupid shit . i know that i can't blame those FUCKERS for the shit all the time, but if 96% of the people that have appeared in my life have been like that , shit there is a fucking problem .

people don't seem to understand friendship . they don't understand its more then just hanging out, talking on the phone, and chilling. its more about loyalty , respect, trust, responsibility, & realness. they've been blindsided to all of these things because the materialistic shit takes over . no one understands how to be honest with one another. no one understands the difference between a friendship & a relationship . a relationship holds more strength between two people then a friendship. although both are important.

i just don't understand how someone that was so close to me, could hurt me so much . not understanding that words are always remember & never forgotten. but in the end, that's there problem not mine. ima still do me & be me regardless. so its there loss.

thoughts.

i wish there was a pill that could make love go away .

everything would be so much better.

i could pop a pill & it will all be over.

like it never existed , never happened, nothing.

then i could forget the times we had fun & the times you made me want to murder you .

the moments we laugh & the times you had me on the verge of tears.

the times we were together & the time i caught you with someone else.

all the pain & emotional thoughts wouldn't exist.

what we had was something i never wanted to forget,

but since things are the way they are, i thinks its the perfect fix.

i would say don't take it personal, but then again,

it is personal , so listen & take it how it is.

i do what you do in reverse of when you do it to me.

so if you don't like it , next time think before you plan to just hurt me again.

[[ random thoughts right now . ]]

venting pt.1

this is a very random post, but i swear , anything i say , is straight from my heart. i might sound rude, selfish, whatever you want to call it . but these are my feelings & thoughts right now.

these past few months i've been through alot of shit with these people that call/called themselves friends. i've had disagreements, arguements, and even fights. & throughout all of it, i found out who was REAL & who was FAKE . the fake had been eliminated. or at least i thought they had.

me personally , if you know me . know me outside of my blogs, facebook, twitter, etc. you know how i think and how i feel about situations that take place within friendships. you know that i will be direct with you when there is a problem, issues, complainant , whatever the case may be . you also know , if you are one of my REAL friends, that has been with me from the beginning since our friendship, you know that nothing would ever come between that shit .

so im stuck thinking , how is this shit, coming in between it .

& what kills me is , i'm titled the "bad influence" .

when CLEARLY , the same shit you doing now, you did BEFORE you met me. so, i'm not the reason , nor the blame for the shit that YOU do . i don't ever tell you that you have to be involved in any of the activities that surround us .

i guess we are two different people that handle shit two different ways.

boyfriend/girlfriend -- #fail.

ugh . i'm so confused.

like what the fuckkk?

i gotta good guy right in front of me , but i feel that we aren't compatible .
[which isn't good]
then i THOUGHT i had someone else in my life, but they ended up to be a lie.
[which isn't good for me either]
& of course i have other niggas in my life, but i just don't want any of them.

i know the solution to my problem is to just be single. but i don't want to just be single. like i want something. but i don't just want SOMETHING. i want something real. lol.

& then i think about on the person that i had a REAL relationship with & how stupid i acted throughout the whole relationship, which was like a dumb bitch. but ya'know i guess it's a live in you learn kinda thing.

on the flip side, i don't even think if i was presented with the opportunity for a relationship i would take advantage of it. its like the term "in a relationship, boyfriend, and girlfriend" have all lost meaning. ALL of the niggas that i know , & i know ALOT of niggas, they've all cheated in some sort of way . people have different meaning's of cheating. but when i say "in some sort of way" - they have cheated physically. being an exchange of kisses , from fucking -- they have cheated. not saying i'm perfect because although i was in a relationship for about nine month's, i've cheated. it's not a good thing & i know i should do unto others, as i'd like done to me, but i did it . so i can't sit here & talk like its the worst thing ever, because i've done it. but i don't want that anymore. this is how i'm looking at it, if i cheat then i'm not happy in my relationship. one reason i'm no longer in it. not being satisfied play's a major part. & honestly , my ex & I had NOTHING in common. i've became a person that likes to have fun, go out, etc. & that's not really him. which becomes a problem on the weekend & stuff. but aye, its a live & you learn experience. & until this weekend, i realized how much cheating & lying effect a relationship. & i realized that this weekend. & i wasn't even in a relationship with the person, it was more of a understanding that i guess he didn't understand. but oh well.

hopefully since my ex & i are taking 6mnths-1yr on break. i guess i'll find my way . prolly my way to realizing that he'd nvr do anything to hurt me & i should be with him. but ya know that if you let something go & it comes back it mean's so much more.

guess we'll see what happens.

--& i'm out .

LC CarteR

nickiminaj-itty bitty piggy VIDEO.

wifee ( : she's a bad btch .