Showing posts with label lost. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lost. Show all posts

Friday, August 7, 2009

a note from the past*

something old i found on my computer, that was written about me.


i apologize for bein a man of truth, a man who set himself to be a truely honesty
and sincere and open minded person who wanted to be nothin but devoted to u and
only u. i apologize for bein real even though for the most part bein real is all
dat i can be. i apologize for not givin u my all even though i felt i did maybe
theres somethin that i overlooked or dat i shouldnt have said , well wait a minute
im never sorry for any statements i make cuz i dont beilieve in biting my tounge for
kno one.i apologize for expecting to much of u and askin u 2 do more than u could do .
i apologize for bein dat guy who was hopin to change ya mindset as far as love or maybe
even as a person and how u look at life. i apologize also for me giving u to much of myself
and to much of my time .
i apologize for being something dat u couldnt handle even though the whole time i
was just tryna love u.
i apologize for having to vent how i truley feel in dis note but as u can see im not
droppin any names or givin any personal information. i kno i have apologized
for alot of things but it was just to let u kno dat u may seem dat ur
a somebody who is hard to come across but i would like to also let u
kno dat no matta wat im a guy dats hard to come by to just cuz of da
fact dat im NOT YA AVERAGE GUY and that i kno how to treat girls and
becuz i have a damn conscience unlike most guys and also just cuz of
da fact dat if or wenever u get ya mind str8 do kno dat for some strange reason
i guess becuz i truely got real feelings for that wen u cum back
imma be waitin wit open arms becuz deep down inside i feel dat it
aitn anything dat i have done or dat u done its just dat im not wat
ur used 2 but on my god given word and heart do kno dat if u was t
o trust a nigga and give him a chance at ya heart before U PUSH AWAY
SOMEBODY WHI REALLY CARES FOR U that it would seriously be worth it
becuz i would cherish, honor and respect wat we share and wat we have
now i admit i have done my dirt in da past to but its not wats in my
past dat mattas its how i do now and today to make my future something
i can be proud of and not regret i believe dat if i give u my all dat u
u can give me ur all , i hate having these walls in between us and im not
stupid so yes i do feel like im bein pushed away but i guess its cuz da feelings
dat i have are so strong to da point were it just wont let me leave u alone regardless
of wat u may have said and da fact dat im even pouring out my emotions on facebook which
kinda now makes sem visisble to anyone who reads this should let u kno dat i can give 2 fucks
wat others may think becuz there not important. and if i gotta deal with ur random emotions
every now and den or if ur feelin guilty about somethin u may have done just trust me and open
yaself up to tell me cuz ur only hurtin yaself by frontin bout ya feeelins cuz i want u and i
kno u want me to much has been expressed by both sides for it not to be but please dont feel
offended by dis note cuz its only me just doin wat i do and dats expressing myself now we are
to different ppl u cant do wat i do and i cant do wat u do but dats wat we are here for each
other to help each other do wat we so called cant do or in other words like da song {Make Me Better}
so i have poured out my heart now whether u take da time read dis note and actually think about wat
i have expressed is up 2 dat somebody


SIGNED SINCERELY ,
MY HEart aNd sOul
april 14, 2007

Thursday, January 29, 2009

broken*

kinda personal - but oh well. (:

i think i'm broken.
--whatcha mean broken?
broken in a sense that - if i love you - or maybe in love with you ... kissing me is all your gonna get.
--WHAT ? that makes no sense.
alritee alritee ; i'll explain - i'll explain. (:

so ; starting my sexual ... beginnings - my first was some guy that to this day still doesn't mean shit to me. niqqa was sexy as fuck. like the sexiest niqqa i've fcked with- EVER, but us & a relationship; i knew it would never work.

second niqqa - i knew when i first started talkin to him - damn - i could see myself with him . but once we got to talkin & getting to know each other - i seen shit - he's not even my type. we agreed on only one thing which is sex. although he didn't know too much & neither did i, we learned from each other.

the two other guys - one of em used game. i knew it was game ; but i fell for it. i knew that shit wasn't going to work between us. & i figured that if i played along like a dumb btch-- it'd make him feel better & it did. he thought he had me with all the ,"baby, i miss you" or the " your the only one i want & were going to be together" BULLSHIT. but i'm smart - & i was physically attracted to him ... so hey - shit got popping. in the process of messing with him - i lost someone. [[no details]]
then the other guy-- waste of time.

but none of these guys - i was in love with / or had any kinda relationship feelings for.
& the people that i'm in relationships with or "love" - i never give them that chance. i don't know why but thats just how it goes.

broken?

is that the right way to describe whatever this is? or is it i haven't found the right one to "love" to give the chance too?
i've shared this with one niqqa i thought i "loved"- & he was really shocked & was glad that i told him that because he got insight to the way i see things & why i don't do shit with him. he seemed to have no problems. he was accepting of it.

at the end of the day - it seems like niqqas can do what they want or who ever they want ... & not get judged by who- or - how many btches they fck. when girls have the "niqqa mentality" - & say they fck mad niqqas - they are a hoe , whore, slut, & other names. i dnt get why there is such a issue. when guys do something is ok - but if a female did the same thing its wrong on her part. my friend has been having this issue in here life & that sht bothers us. & different guys give us there pros & cons about the whole situation. basically niqqas judge btches - but btches aren't suppose to judge a niqqa.

all of it is stupid to me - but i choose NOT to do shit with people. unless we've had past experiences- i'm not fckin with cha.

& if your reading this & your surprised -- guess what? its all the REAL facts. so whatever the FCK you've heard - gon ahead & smack the lying BTCH tht told cha. (:

signed ;

-LCC*

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

UGH!

im going thru something right now; but i can't put it into words; like - UGHHHH ! like i don't UGHHHHh! thats all i can say. i don't see why people just can't tell you shit to your face or wen you txt or over the fone; like i don't see why shit happens like that. like all these FAKE ass muthafuckas surround me & got damn i don't like it. just tell me . TELL ME.

stop writing about me on got damn facebook or your blog. & if you do ; use my name or something.

& dnt try to act one way when your with me -- then totally different when we aren't together. i just don't get it. i'm a very protective person & if something is mine... or was mine... i admit - i'll flip when another btch that i know gets a ya know " taste " of it.

its just me - i can't change it. so whateverrrrrrrr....

UGHHH. !

Saturday, January 17, 2009

untitled*

sometimes i wish; i didnt catch feelings.i wish i couldn't open up & give people the best of me.its said that- the more you give yourself to someone; the more opportunity your giving them to hurt you.if that is true- no wonder why i'm always hurt.i tend to catch feelings rather quickly. i've tried with all my mite; not to- but my personality allows me too.i end up hurt; alone; and drowing in disappointment.its something i think i need to work on; but i'm not sure i'm how to.when i think that i've found that one person that is right & i think that they are right for me; as soon as i remove my guard; BOOM - i fall flat on my face. they change. everything changes

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

random thought

sometime I feel like I'm the only person that understands the way I feel, I feel I'll never find someone whu feels the same way I feel. Its like I have everything I want & everything I need, but something is missing. I'm not sure wut it is. But I know within my life, a little piece is missing.