randommmmmmmmmmmmmm

random ass thoughts again .

- people always wonder why i say i hate people, or why i don't trust people & shit like that .

its because of the experience's i've had with people i've encountered . the stupid, fucked up , mentally retarded nigga's i've met. THAT'S WHY . no one seems to be real now-a-days. even people that have been what i thought , "best friends" have been fuckers that have done some stupid shit . i know that i can't blame those FUCKERS for the shit all the time, but if 96% of the people that have appeared in my life have been like that , shit there is a fucking problem .

people don't seem to understand friendship . they don't understand its more then just hanging out, talking on the phone, and chilling. its more about loyalty , respect, trust, responsibility, & realness. they've been blindsided to all of these things because the materialistic shit takes over . no one understands how to be honest with one another. no one understands the difference between a friendship & a relationship . a relationship holds more strength between two people then a friendship. although both are important.

i just don't understand how someone that was so close to me, could hurt me so much . not understanding that words are always remember & never forgotten. but in the end, that's there problem not mine. ima still do me & be me regardless. so its there loss.

venting pt.1

this is a very random post, but i swear , anything i say , is straight from my heart. i might sound rude, selfish, whatever you want to call it . but these are my feelings & thoughts right now.

these past few months i've been through alot of shit with these people that call/called themselves friends. i've had disagreements, arguements, and even fights. & throughout all of it, i found out who was REAL & who was FAKE . the fake had been eliminated. or at least i thought they had.

me personally , if you know me . know me outside of my blogs, facebook, twitter, etc. you know how i think and how i feel about situations that take place within friendships. you know that i will be direct with you when there is a problem, issues, complainant , whatever the case may be . you also know , if you are one of my REAL friends, that has been with me from the beginning since our friendship, you know that nothing would ever come between that shit .

so im stuck thinking , how is this shit, coming in between it .

& what kills me is , i'm titled the "bad influence" .

when CLEARLY , the same shit you doing now, you did BEFORE you met me. so, i'm not the reason , nor the blame for the shit that YOU do . i don't ever tell you that you have to be involved in any of the activities that surround us .

i guess we are two different people that handle shit two different ways.

LC blackberyy notes .

right now ; I'm in the car on my way back from myrtle beachh ): - I had so much fun . unlike where I'm from - there is sht to do down there . but anyways ... everything with me is iightttttttt . I have a new friend in my life ... we'll call him [CL] (: ... we started talkin a few days ago & we haven't stopped since . he's real funny & I really like talkin to his retarded ass . (: .

anywayssss ...

as I'm in the car - I'm looking thru my bb & I'm finding all these unfinished notes that aren't finished . most of em are about guys or life . & one of em says some real deep sht ;;

"everytime. I kid yu not . everytime, the same sht happens . the sameeeeee sht . LC I love you baby . LC I love you bruh. LC I love you & I'm devoted to you & only you - then got damn 2 days later your cheating . what's the point ? honestly if & wen I'm in a relationship - I REALLY do my best to make the sht work . I don't cheat & don't "talk" to other guys like that . I respect my sigifigant other . until we hit that rock . the relationship killer rock . either the rock is caused from hearing things about your ass , or catching you in a lie, or just a sudden change of boringness in the relationship . & once you hit that rock - oh its a done deal . "

-idntknw why its not finished , or why I won't finish it - but for some reason I'm so over the idea of a "relationship" . until a person comes along & shows me the purpose or a reason - its all pointless . yes, I did cheat on my last bf - but it was simply because he was boring - he wasn't my type , we didn't do the same things - we didn't have personalities that went together . being friends is all we shoulda been .

another thing I didn't finish;

"damn -- I swear cops get on my nervess . like wht is the purposeeeeeee ? ugh - they should be on there grind gettin killerss - but instead they go thru the parks at night .

let me tell the storyy .

so my people & I was chillin in the park - rollin up & sht . we smoked & got lifted --chilled in my girl car til she had to leave then transferred to my niqqa car . while sittin' there it was gettin later & later until it was bout 10:30 & we all just in the car - FCK'd up . so we see a car coming into the park & just see that its another car just coming to chill after hourssssss . soooo we all chillingg - then another car comes down . to our suprise it was a damn cop . so my niqqa being the dumbass that he is - beeps his fckn horn & the BRIGHT ass lights came on . so of course she gets out the car & sht & comes to the car askin wht were doin ? & do we have anything illegal in the car & have we been smoking .... I swear I was nervous as hell cus I didn't knw wht was in his car . so I didn't say sht & let him do all the tlking & communicating - cus wen I'm fcked up - aint no tellin wit the hell imma be talking about . - so he tells her there is nothing illegal in the car [ as the other car that was in the park - drives off fast has hell - she catches the tags & call em in ( hahaha )] & that we hadn't smoked - but a person that was there b4 had a black -- so she returned to her vechical & then three other cops came up there & blocked in the car on the sides & sht & shined there BRIGHT ass lights in the car - so my niqqa asks the police office tht was wlkin up to the car if they could turn the lights off or something & he got the biggest attitude EVER & responded - "sir, your trespassing, & in my personal opinion , the "light" is going to stay on - so the area is well-surrounded". -the fckkkk. ? - by this time I was kinda worried , cus I didn't see the point of all the officers being there . finally the lady from bc said he could go to jail for trespassing - but she let him off with a warning & made us leave the park . "

- bruhhhh, that sht was crazyyyyyy as hell . cops be on some other other type sht . esp. down there a myrtle - they ride bikes on the strip & look directly into mothafckas car ... & wen we were goin to the club - they was arresting niqqas for not being in a straight line . THE FCK? so stupid .

another thing ;

" everything you are - made me everthing I'm not - jumpin from lie to lie : being honest - yu'd never play the part

Thought yu'd be different - tried not to doubt you from the start . But ima smart girl, I knew we'd never make it far.

I let my heart get involved & let the lies over run us.
when I came back on the come up - my dream was over & reality set in. "

damn ,
I dnt even knw what that was about . but that sht real . Lol.

& another one -

"got my head twisted
missing wht we had .
Every conversation
a memory of our past.
looking back at it
its something that
I couldn't live without
Now I go thru life without a doubt
I made the dumbest decision of my life .
Being with you was a privliage that I took
For granted. I didn't realize that wen I had you - now all I got is pictures to remind me ."
- I know who that's about. someone that I shouldn't even be thinkin about - but damn I miss him . & its not the kidd .

& the last one -

"where was I three years ago ? - that's the question that has been lingering in my mind since I left his house .

three years ago - I was playing games with lil niqqas that dnt mean sht to me now... I'm sitting here with shoulda, woulda, couldas - pondering in my mind .

peep this ;; we gon call him T. man , T & I have knwn each other 9 yrs . he's the one person that I still keep in contact with from elementary school.

even tho we was young - he was the first guy that I really liked to be around . from playin on the playground to hanging with each other outside of school . in like 5th grade - I met the family. his mom, father, & sister. they were all so sweet & so friendly .

by 6th grade we were in a relationship - even tho we went to different schools ; we keep in contact & still chilled . I honestly thought I was in love with him [ sht , I didn't even knw wht love was ]. anyways - once he left schools in durham - It was kinda hard to contact him. somehow we broke up & stopped talkin until like 8th grade & the summer b4 9th grade - sht was good ya knw . but neither of us wnted to reflect on the past een tho we knew the feelings were still there .

[fast foward]-- he txt'd me in october of 2oo8 & my heart dropped . I knew the # but wasn't quite sure - so I asked & I was right : it was him . we've been talking everyday since . he just got out of a [[LONG TERM]] relationship (2-3 years) !! the girl he was with - started doing some pretty FCK'd up things . so of course talking & chilling with him brought up all of our old feelings & stuff - but I tried to let'em all go because I dnt wnt to end up with a broken heart - but for some reason ; neither of us can let the feelings go . which is a problem -- I told him that if he wnted to be with me :: then she has to be completly outta the picture & being that they just broke up - its gonna take him a while . I mean , wht am I suppose to do ? wait ? "
- boyyyyy, this sht is crazy . after I wrote this - about 1 month later , we stopped talkin , for some reason . I can't even remember the sht right now . but it was something dumb & now --- we hardly even talk .

see, why waste time on people if they just end up doin somethin to fck sht up in the end . ugh - everything is just [pointless] .

but I knw this sht long as hell , but oh well. if yu love me , yu'll read it all (:

peacee .

-LCC*

youlostone*

these last few days have been hell . like - I haven't even wrote a blog because I can even express how I fuckin feel in wrds. like - ugh !
basically my "best friend" - lmao at tht title; anyways - she wants to be "independent". funny thing is ; she says independent like I'm holding her back from sht. which is most def. not even true.

before I state the situation - or how I feel , let's be clear - this is MY BLOG - remind YOURSELF it says "& LC said..." - my thoughts' , opinions, & venting area. so if you get offended - oh muthafucking well !

so honestly in my opinion ; the [whole] situation is so muthafuckn BULLSHIT. honestly ! & wen I tell other people - not random people - but people that know both me & ol girl say its some BULLSHIT. like the whole shit started because of a dinner & me being her "best friend" didn't get invited ; remind you - she get invited everywhere with me & attends when she is invited - no matter the event. & then wen I txt yu , yu dnt respond which basically makes you look guilty as sht , like yu knw your in the wrong . the call the evening of the nxt day & try to carry convo like nthn was wrong . then ask wht I'm doing for the superbowl - & I say something with your friend that you ignore when she tries to chill or do anything with you & somehow you end up comin along. then she says - she talked to me - well said hey when I got in the car - which I NEVER even heard...& not talk to me the rest of the night ; then get pissed cus I write a blog about the sht & I call yu a btch. bein a "bestfriend" yu shoulda known me & that I was gon write about it. ANYWAYS - then say I "screw faced" you at school & call me a btch in the middle of the hall - like you lost your damn mind. THEN - I come to your house to talk to you & find out wht the fckin issue is & you really act like you lost it. THEN got the nerve to call me & tell me that you think we need to talk because its turning into something that it wasn't suppose to turn into ... THE FCK ? I just came to yo gotdamn house to tlk about the sht. THEN today - yu get in my front seat & tell meeh all these excuses. well excuse me - to me everything was a EXCUSE. "going off to college & having a job & my boyfriend & this music thing & tryna get A's in my classes, I'm just tryna to be independent" - THE FCK? I knw wht yu have to do - I was your "friend", I clearly knw all that sht -- & I dnt have nothin to do with that. got damn - I dnt need your rides - I dnt need anything from you - so dnt make it seem like I bother you or anything - because that's def. not the case. sht just real stupid. but aye - I'm done tlkn bout sht; yu dnt wnt to be my friend - but yu dnt wnt beef ?? sorry - but I'm just going to dislike your ass, because still to me - everything is an EXCUSE & FAKE.

once again - this is LC's blog. MY OPINIONS!! so whatever.

you lost one ; not me.

-LCC*

puzzlepiece*

precia precia precia.

damn bruh - i swear; i have to go & thanks mr. jones for not moving your seat in Algebra 2. because he always asked ; where will your friends be after this class? - & got damn; one day of skippin is all it took for us to see -- damn thats my twin. not physically - but got damn mentally- we two peas in a pod. (:

your post brought tears to my eyes. not alot of shit can do that now-a-days. its been an exactly year that i've known you & i wish it'd be longer. but i feel you came into my life at the right time & helped me realize who was really a friend & who was just a FAKE ASS BITCH. you helped me realize what a "REAL friend" really is & how they act.

& that day when you told me about your sister; i could tell that it was something that was really important part of you & your life. so i knew when her birthday came around ; it would be really hard on you. but then i thought - in a sense ; she's not here ; but i'm trying my best - to be your big sister. and not only your sister but one of your closest friends. & i meant every word i told you that day. i will stay a true & trustworthy friend to you. & will always be here.

& no matter how far away - shit ain't gon change but my address. i'm always one text or one call away. or a 1 hr. 30 min drive away. yeah it'll be hard for you to lie without me; but hey; it'll all work itself out.

& everyone knows that we are always together & prolly think that your my best friend ; but although that spot it filled - its been filled before & before & before... but the thing about a puzzle piece - only ONE PIECE can properly fit to complete the puzzle. & that one piece will & forever remain you.

& girl i can't wait til you turn 18 because we'll be connected. even tho; we got damn connected at the hip to each other.

& girl - when i go off to college - i sure as hell am gonna miss those omelets. (:

&& one more thingg...

- i fuckin love you puzzle piece.
<3

signed;
--lc.carter*