LC blackberyy notes .

right now ; I'm in the car on my way back from myrtle beachh ): - I had so much fun . unlike where I'm from - there is sht to do down there . but anyways ... everything with me is iightttttttt . I have a new friend in my life ... we'll call him [CL] (: ... we started talkin a few days ago & we haven't stopped since . he's real funny & I really like talkin to his retarded ass . (: .

anywayssss ...

as I'm in the car - I'm looking thru my bb & I'm finding all these unfinished notes that aren't finished . most of em are about guys or life . & one of em says some real deep sht ;;

"everytime. I kid yu not . everytime, the same sht happens . the sameeeeee sht . LC I love you baby . LC I love you bruh. LC I love you & I'm devoted to you & only you - then got damn 2 days later your cheating . what's the point ? honestly if & wen I'm in a relationship - I REALLY do my best to make the sht work . I don't cheat & don't "talk" to other guys like that . I respect my sigifigant other . until we hit that rock . the relationship killer rock . either the rock is caused from hearing things about your ass , or catching you in a lie, or just a sudden change of boringness in the relationship . & once you hit that rock - oh its a done deal . "

-idntknw why its not finished , or why I won't finish it - but for some reason I'm so over the idea of a "relationship" . until a person comes along & shows me the purpose or a reason - its all pointless . yes, I did cheat on my last bf - but it was simply because he was boring - he wasn't my type , we didn't do the same things - we didn't have personalities that went together . being friends is all we shoulda been .

another thing I didn't finish;

"damn -- I swear cops get on my nervess . like wht is the purposeeeeeee ? ugh - they should be on there grind gettin killerss - but instead they go thru the parks at night .

let me tell the storyy .

so my people & I was chillin in the park - rollin up & sht . we smoked & got lifted --chilled in my girl car til she had to leave then transferred to my niqqa car . while sittin' there it was gettin later & later until it was bout 10:30 & we all just in the car - FCK'd up . so we see a car coming into the park & just see that its another car just coming to chill after hourssssss . soooo we all chillingg - then another car comes down . to our suprise it was a damn cop . so my niqqa being the dumbass that he is - beeps his fckn horn & the BRIGHT ass lights came on . so of course she gets out the car & sht & comes to the car askin wht were doin ? & do we have anything illegal in the car & have we been smoking .... I swear I was nervous as hell cus I didn't knw wht was in his car . so I didn't say sht & let him do all the tlking & communicating - cus wen I'm fcked up - aint no tellin wit the hell imma be talking about . - so he tells her there is nothing illegal in the car [ as the other car that was in the park - drives off fast has hell - she catches the tags & call em in ( hahaha )] & that we hadn't smoked - but a person that was there b4 had a black -- so she returned to her vechical & then three other cops came up there & blocked in the car on the sides & sht & shined there BRIGHT ass lights in the car - so my niqqa asks the police office tht was wlkin up to the car if they could turn the lights off or something & he got the biggest attitude EVER & responded - "sir, your trespassing, & in my personal opinion , the "light" is going to stay on - so the area is well-surrounded". -the fckkkk. ? - by this time I was kinda worried , cus I didn't see the point of all the officers being there . finally the lady from bc said he could go to jail for trespassing - but she let him off with a warning & made us leave the park . "

- bruhhhh, that sht was crazyyyyyy as hell . cops be on some other other type sht . esp. down there a myrtle - they ride bikes on the strip & look directly into mothafckas car ... & wen we were goin to the club - they was arresting niqqas for not being in a straight line . THE FCK? so stupid .

another thing ;

" everything you are - made me everthing I'm not - jumpin from lie to lie : being honest - yu'd never play the part

Thought yu'd be different - tried not to doubt you from the start . But ima smart girl, I knew we'd never make it far.

I let my heart get involved & let the lies over run us.
when I came back on the come up - my dream was over & reality set in. "

damn ,
I dnt even knw what that was about . but that sht real . Lol.

& another one -

"got my head twisted
missing wht we had .
Every conversation
a memory of our past.
looking back at it
its something that
I couldn't live without
Now I go thru life without a doubt
I made the dumbest decision of my life .
Being with you was a privliage that I took
For granted. I didn't realize that wen I had you - now all I got is pictures to remind me ."
- I know who that's about. someone that I shouldn't even be thinkin about - but damn I miss him . & its not the kidd .

& the last one -

"where was I three years ago ? - that's the question that has been lingering in my mind since I left his house .

three years ago - I was playing games with lil niqqas that dnt mean sht to me now... I'm sitting here with shoulda, woulda, couldas - pondering in my mind .

peep this ;; we gon call him T. man , T & I have knwn each other 9 yrs . he's the one person that I still keep in contact with from elementary school.

even tho we was young - he was the first guy that I really liked to be around . from playin on the playground to hanging with each other outside of school . in like 5th grade - I met the family. his mom, father, & sister. they were all so sweet & so friendly .

by 6th grade we were in a relationship - even tho we went to different schools ; we keep in contact & still chilled . I honestly thought I was in love with him [ sht , I didn't even knw wht love was ]. anyways - once he left schools in durham - It was kinda hard to contact him. somehow we broke up & stopped talkin until like 8th grade & the summer b4 9th grade - sht was good ya knw . but neither of us wnted to reflect on the past een tho we knew the feelings were still there .

[fast foward]-- he txt'd me in october of 2oo8 & my heart dropped . I knew the # but wasn't quite sure - so I asked & I was right : it was him . we've been talking everyday since . he just got out of a [[LONG TERM]] relationship (2-3 years) !! the girl he was with - started doing some pretty FCK'd up things . so of course talking & chilling with him brought up all of our old feelings & stuff - but I tried to let'em all go because I dnt wnt to end up with a broken heart - but for some reason ; neither of us can let the feelings go . which is a problem -- I told him that if he wnted to be with me :: then she has to be completly outta the picture & being that they just broke up - its gonna take him a while . I mean , wht am I suppose to do ? wait ? "
- boyyyyy, this sht is crazy . after I wrote this - about 1 month later , we stopped talkin , for some reason . I can't even remember the sht right now . but it was something dumb & now --- we hardly even talk .

see, why waste time on people if they just end up doin somethin to fck sht up in the end . ugh - everything is just [pointless] .

but I knw this sht long as hell , but oh well. if yu love me , yu'll read it all (:

peacee .

-LCC*

"sexting"*

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

-An oft-cited survey says that 39 percent of teens have sent similar photos of themselves ... and 15 percent of high-school boys say they disseminate the pics after a breakup.


-http://www.lemondrop.com/2009/03/06/teen-commits-suicide-is-sexting-to-blame/

eighteen (:

omgsh - so i'm starting this post at 11:44 -- so i'm technically not EIGHTEEN, but a few minutes won't matter. im glad i made it to EIGHTEEN, i mean i wasn't doubting i would or anything, but like sht, its cool. lol, i mean i'm LEGAL. so i dnt have to get people to buy my blacks anymore. (:

but uhhh, my cpu just got fixed today . which is the reason i haven't had that many new posts. but um , life is life. i still HATE most FAKE FEMALES behavior. but its one of those things that will NEVER change. & ya know it kills me because the same btch tht witnesses another btch being fake, will soon show her "true colors" & turn out to be TWENTY times FAKER. but aye, you live & yu learn, right?

seems those hoes will NEVER learn. but shtttttt, i dont really even give a fck. ima do me & do me good, & gets mine. (:

--&& i think i made a new friend...that will be around for a while ; but i'll be updating more. (:


oh yeah......


im gettin TATTED tomorrow. (:


-signed

-- a soon to be LEGAL

--LCC*

&another*

losing friends are like losing $$ - you might be pissed cus you think you need it . but then you realize ; there's more $$ in the streets. yu'll get more.

lately, I've been having some issues . [like always]- its funny how people change & get a lil bit of something & forget they started with nothing. - thts like the realest sht ever.

I swear - I had the best people in the world surrounding me - now it seems I only have 1. but that doesn't bother me at all. because one is all I need anyways.

but sht has jus been pissing me the fuck off . & I take steps to make sure that its just not me that's tripiing over sht. : I'll ask others opinions about the situation just to make sure I'm not over reacting . but this sht ; I've recently experienced is beyond fck'd up. & the funny sht is - I never woulda thought this btch woulda did some bullsht like this. but aye - it is wht it is I guess.

let me explain ; I dnt give a flyin' fck if yu have an issue with me - dnt call me ; be fake with me on the fone - then see me & act like yu dnt knw I'm even present when we are in the same muthafuckin place. esp being that your the stupid muthafucka tht caused the issues. & its funny how wen a dumb person knws they did something wrong / wasn't right doesn't wnt to bring attention to the fact tht they did something - instead pretend like sht is fine. but ya knw wht - all the [fakeness] isn't needed at all. stay wrapped up in your "happy" life - & ima just do me.

& I knw yur reading this sht (: - so uh ; hope ya like'd it .

broken*

kinda personal - but oh well. (:

i think i'm broken.
--whatcha mean broken?
broken in a sense that - if i love you - or maybe in love with you ... kissing me is all your gonna get.
--WHAT ? that makes no sense.
alritee alritee ; i'll explain - i'll explain. (:

so ; starting my sexual ... beginnings - my first was some guy that to this day still doesn't mean shit to me. niqqa was sexy as fuck. like the sexiest niqqa i've fcked with- EVER, but us & a relationship; i knew it would never work.

second niqqa - i knew when i first started talkin to him - damn - i could see myself with him . but once we got to talkin & getting to know each other - i seen shit - he's not even my type. we agreed on only one thing which is sex. although he didn't know too much & neither did i, we learned from each other.

the two other guys - one of em used game. i knew it was game ; but i fell for it. i knew that shit wasn't going to work between us. & i figured that if i played along like a dumb btch-- it'd make him feel better & it did. he thought he had me with all the ,"baby, i miss you" or the " your the only one i want & were going to be together" BULLSHIT. but i'm smart - & i was physically attracted to him ... so hey - shit got popping. in the process of messing with him - i lost someone. [[no details]]
then the other guy-- waste of time.

but none of these guys - i was in love with / or had any kinda relationship feelings for.
& the people that i'm in relationships with or "love" - i never give them that chance. i don't know why but thats just how it goes.

broken?

is that the right way to describe whatever this is? or is it i haven't found the right one to "love" to give the chance too?
i've shared this with one niqqa i thought i "loved"- & he was really shocked & was glad that i told him that because he got insight to the way i see things & why i don't do shit with him. he seemed to have no problems. he was accepting of it.

at the end of the day - it seems like niqqas can do what they want or who ever they want ... & not get judged by who- or - how many btches they fck. when girls have the "niqqa mentality" - & say they fck mad niqqas - they are a hoe , whore, slut, & other names. i dnt get why there is such a issue. when guys do something is ok - but if a female did the same thing its wrong on her part. my friend has been having this issue in here life & that sht bothers us. & different guys give us there pros & cons about the whole situation. basically niqqas judge btches - but btches aren't suppose to judge a niqqa.

all of it is stupid to me - but i choose NOT to do shit with people. unless we've had past experiences- i'm not fckin with cha.

& if your reading this & your surprised -- guess what? its all the REAL facts. so whatever the FCK you've heard - gon ahead & smack the lying BTCH tht told cha. (:

signed ;

-LCC*

UGH!

im going thru something right now; but i can't put it into words; like - UGHHHH ! like i don't UGHHHHh! thats all i can say. i don't see why people just can't tell you shit to your face or wen you txt or over the fone; like i don't see why shit happens like that. like all these FAKE ass muthafuckas surround me & got damn i don't like it. just tell me . TELL ME.

stop writing about me on got damn facebook or your blog. & if you do ; use my name or something.

& dnt try to act one way when your with me -- then totally different when we aren't together. i just don't get it. i'm a very protective person & if something is mine... or was mine... i admit - i'll flip when another btch that i know gets a ya know " taste " of it.

its just me - i can't change it. so whateverrrrrrrr....

UGHHH. !

ATL*

"welcome to atlanta where them playas playa
& we ride on them things like everyday
big beats; hit street; see gangsta roamin'
&& parties dnt stop til' 8 in the mornin'."

yesterday ; i left sucky ass nc & took a trip with my fav. btch to ATL.

we're here for the battle of the bands - all the HBCU school are here. i've never been to the for anything - just drove through when i was going to alabama. but last night; we drove through downtown & i must say - it was NICCCCCCCEEEEE.

now i'm just in the room - waiting to leave. some stupid person told me they hoped it "rained on my parade" & sure enough its raining. but oh well ; that shit ain't gon effect my trip. lol.

BUT

all the way here i was texting the NO GOOD guy & ugh - it seems like he is still trying to maintain a friendship - which i'm fine with. i think that the feelings are still there - but i know he's no good for me and i can do MUCH better which is part of the reason why i'm doing better & got back with my EX. my puzzle pieces says that he's better for me and we didn't have that many problems - other then arguing & a few STUPID lies & not seeing either other ; but i start back driving NEXT WEEK. so all the kinks should be worked out then. hopefully.

i've realized that its hard to put your place where it really belongs. like i know where my heart wants to be ; but i know where my mind is telling me is right. its really hard to listen to my mind & not follow my heart; because i know that my heart is telling me to wait around for him* - but frankly - he has TOO MUCH shit with him. so i'm where i belong . i just have to start believing it & living it- & stop talking to him as much.

ANYWAYS; i'm ready to have FUN & not think about any of my worries left in NC.

& find a lil ATL boo. (:

signed ; lc.carter.

teethmarkss

ugh ; ya knw something I hate-

I [hate] people tht dnt have there own originality. like people tht act as if they dnt have a mind for themselves. someone whu cnt make up at least 5 words to make a complete sentence of there own. there own thoughts or idea. they have to j a c k someone elses. I mean like if I take something ; its usually from an artist & I make it my own by either change the appearence or words or the way in whic its typed ; but some people dnt even do that. & it just bother meeh.

& also people in general bother meeh. I honestly dnt even like tht many people: as is. but dumb ass people just make my hate for people so much worse.

like ; ugh ! I sometimes wish - I could simply re-program certain people ; so there mind would then be legit. bc I swear, most the people walking around dnt have a fckn clue to there purpose is in life.

sht - I know mine tho.
so fckk the rest .
(:


-lc