follow your heart

lately , if you follow me on twitter , you've witnessed my experience's with relationships & such . you've seen that i have a "friend" that i'm ... complicated with . people always try to offer advice , & i'm thankful for it , but most of the time its , "follow your heart, listen to your heart" . ya know the lovey dovey type shit .

but i hate that "follow your heart" bullshit . honestly , i see my heart as a organ . it has no feeling nor emotion . all that is in your head. you are made to believe that your heart is an actual part of your emotions & that's where you feel pain. to me , its something that keeps you alive . it doesn't declare your feelings, emotions, nothing .

when people tell me to follow my heart, i feel like i'm doing opposite of what i think i should do . i'm going against the logic of my brain & using my heart as the excuse of why i'm making a decision.

my mind is what is telling me that he's no good for me , while my "heart" is waiting him to stay & everything to work out . really meaning , i know that the RIGHT thing to do is just LET GO . & my lonely side is saying, "LC you don't want to be alone, so stick it out & follow your "heart" & put up with the shit.

i don't believe in "following my heart" .


i KNOW what the right thing to do is, but for some reason, i CANNOT bring myself to make the right decision . instead i'm fighting myself to just let this shit slide. what to do what to do ?

shit , i don't even know .
guess i won't do anything until i come to a final conclusion . wish me well thanks.

a note from the past*

something old i found on my computer, that was written about me.

i apologize for bein a man of truth, a man who set himself to be a truely honesty

and sincere and open minded person who wanted to be nothin but devoted to u and

only u. i apologize for bein real even though for the most part bein real is all

dat i can be. i apologize for not givin u my all even though i felt i did maybe

theres somethin that i overlooked or dat i shouldnt have said , well wait a minute

im never sorry for any statements i make cuz i dont beilieve in biting my tounge for

kno one.i apologize for expecting to much of u and askin u 2 do more than u could do .

i apologize for bein dat guy who was hopin to change ya mindset as far as love or maybe

even as a person and how u look at life. i apologize also for me giving u to much of myself

and to much of my time .

i apologize for being something dat u couldnt handle even though the whole time i

was just tryna love u.

i apologize for having to vent how i truley feel in dis note but as u can see im not

droppin any names or givin any personal information. i kno i have apologized

for alot of things but it was just to let u kno dat u may seem dat ur

a somebody who is hard to come across but i would like to also let u

kno dat no matta wat im a guy dats hard to come by to just cuz of da

fact dat im NOT YA AVERAGE GUY and that i kno how to treat girls and

becuz i have a damn conscience unlike most guys and also just cuz of

da fact dat if or wenever u get ya mind str8 do kno dat for some strange reason

i guess becuz i truely got real feelings for that wen u cum back

imma be waitin wit open arms becuz deep down inside i feel dat it

aitn anything dat i have done or dat u done its just dat im not wat

ur used 2 but on my god given word and heart do kno dat if u was t

o trust a nigga and give him a chance at ya heart before U PUSH AWAY

SOMEBODY WHI REALLY CARES FOR U that it would seriously be worth it

becuz i would cherish, honor and respect wat we share and wat we have

now i admit i have done my dirt in da past to but its not wats in my

past dat mattas its how i do now and today to make my future something

i can be proud of and not regret i believe dat if i give u my all dat u

u can give me ur all , i hate having these walls in between us and im not

stupid so yes i do feel like im bein pushed away but i guess its cuz da feelings

dat i have are so strong to da point were it just wont let me leave u alone regardless

of wat u may have said and da fact dat im even pouring out my emotions on facebook which

kinda now makes sem visisble to anyone who reads this should let u kno dat i can give 2 fucks

wat others may think becuz there not important. and if i gotta deal with ur random emotions

every now and den or if ur feelin guilty about somethin u may have done just trust me and open

yaself up to tell me cuz ur only hurtin yaself by frontin bout ya feeelins cuz i want u and i

kno u want me to much has been expressed by both sides for it not to be but please dont feel

offended by dis note cuz its only me just doin wat i do and dats expressing myself now we are

to different ppl u cant do wat i do and i cant do wat u do but dats wat we are here for each

other to help each other do wat we so called cant do or in other words like da song {Make Me Better}

so i have poured out my heart now whether u take da time read dis note and actually think about wat

i have expressed is up 2 dat somebody

SIGNED SINCERELY ,

MY HEart aNd sOul

april 14, 2007

[love]

i LOVE him !
who?
HIM duh!

after ALL this TIME... i JUST realized today , that i'm in LOVE.
shit, i can't believe it. i've seen that none of them compare to what i had with HIM.
i didnt cherish what i had when i had it, but ya know - i realized that when i was with him, i FRONTED soooo hard with him. but today - after breakin down, i KNEW i had to have him.
& ima get em , shortly. hopefully.

puzzlepiece*

precia precia precia.

damn bruh - i swear; i have to go & thanks mr. jones for not moving your seat in Algebra 2. because he always asked ; where will your friends be after this class? - & got damn; one day of skippin is all it took for us to see -- damn thats my twin. not physically - but got damn mentally- we two peas in a pod. (:

your post brought tears to my eyes. not alot of shit can do that now-a-days. its been an exactly year that i've known you & i wish it'd be longer. but i feel you came into my life at the right time & helped me realize who was really a friend & who was just a FAKE ASS BITCH. you helped me realize what a "REAL friend" really is & how they act.

& that day when you told me about your sister; i could tell that it was something that was really important part of you & your life. so i knew when her birthday came around ; it would be really hard on you. but then i thought - in a sense ; she's not here ; but i'm trying my best - to be your big sister. and not only your sister but one of your closest friends. & i meant every word i told you that day. i will stay a true & trustworthy friend to you. & will always be here.

& no matter how far away - shit ain't gon change but my address. i'm always one text or one call away. or a 1 hr. 30 min drive away. yeah it'll be hard for you to lie without me; but hey; it'll all work itself out.

& everyone knows that we are always together & prolly think that your my best friend ; but although that spot it filled - its been filled before & before & before... but the thing about a puzzle piece - only ONE PIECE can properly fit to complete the puzzle. & that one piece will & forever remain you.

& girl i can't wait til you turn 18 because we'll be connected. even tho; we got damn connected at the hip to each other.

& girl - when i go off to college - i sure as hell am gonna miss those omelets. (:

&& one more thingg...

- i fuckin love you puzzle piece.
<3

signed;
--lc.carter*

ATL*

"welcome to atlanta where them playas playa
& we ride on them things like everyday
big beats; hit street; see gangsta roamin'
&& parties dnt stop til' 8 in the mornin'."

yesterday ; i left sucky ass nc & took a trip with my fav. btch to ATL.

we're here for the battle of the bands - all the HBCU school are here. i've never been to the for anything - just drove through when i was going to alabama. but last night; we drove through downtown & i must say - it was NICCCCCCCEEEEE.

now i'm just in the room - waiting to leave. some stupid person told me they hoped it "rained on my parade" & sure enough its raining. but oh well ; that shit ain't gon effect my trip. lol.

BUT

all the way here i was texting the NO GOOD guy & ugh - it seems like he is still trying to maintain a friendship - which i'm fine with. i think that the feelings are still there - but i know he's no good for me and i can do MUCH better which is part of the reason why i'm doing better & got back with my EX. my puzzle pieces says that he's better for me and we didn't have that many problems - other then arguing & a few STUPID lies & not seeing either other ; but i start back driving NEXT WEEK. so all the kinks should be worked out then. hopefully.

i've realized that its hard to put your place where it really belongs. like i know where my heart wants to be ; but i know where my mind is telling me is right. its really hard to listen to my mind & not follow my heart; because i know that my heart is telling me to wait around for him* - but frankly - he has TOO MUCH shit with him. so i'm where i belong . i just have to start believing it & living it- & stop talking to him as much.

ANYWAYS; i'm ready to have FUN & not think about any of my worries left in NC.

& find a lil ATL boo. (:

signed ; lc.carter.

[soulmate]