randommmm*

when i see yu; i wish i never met you

when i look in your eyes; i see our history



when i think of love; nothing but your name comes to mind.

when everything is going wrong with him; i think of you .



no matter what i do; i can't get over what we had.

even though you treated me wrong; fckd me over; its you i want; its you i want to be calling me .

baby, its you.



even tho you cheated; & i deserve better- i just cant let go.

i always think , he'll come back around, he'll miss what we had.

it hasn't happened yet...2 yrs && all we do is exchange hellos'.



friends, lovers, - we had it all.

coming out of it ; i left with nothing but faded memories.



how do i let go? how do i get over you?



--its just something that i need to know.

snowday*

LuLu- going down the steps. (:


Madre & LuLu



so, last night; i couldn't go to sleep at all. i guess i had to much bullsht on my mind; so i tlk'd on the phone & listened to my ipod - then at about 6- madres; "boyfriend" had to go to work; so i looked out the window & was surprised to see SNOW .



sht; if it gonna be cold it might as well snow. - so i'm glad to see it did.



we all went outside like big dummies - it was cold as SHT out there.



but all in all - i love snow days. its just pretty & white. (:



BUT

of course when i'm having a OK day compared to the night i had , my best friend called - i ignored the call bc i was chit-chatting with my mom...then i recieved a txt from her & said call her, it was important.



so i return the call & here that ol' girl...wrote a note about me on fcbk. so i read the BULLSHT, & frankly throughout the WHOLE thing - she just ... UGH! - ya knw; i'm not gonna comment on the BULLSHT.



but i'm so over it; i realized- i know who i am, i know what i've done, and i knw im real - so when asked question - i tell the TRUTH. & i know where i stand with him & he know where he stands with me. & at the end of the day - thats all that matters.



im mature - because unlike HER i don't sit her & call her names & let people only get one side of the story. so whatever.



life's back to being GREAT.



&& fyi - my puzzle piece; [yu knw whu yu are] - is the best thing that has happened to be in a LONG ass time. your always there. & the message you sent me today- help me so much & helped me forgive & forget. ily puzzle piece. <3>

signed- lc.carter*

beyondhurt*

soooo on saturday, january 10, 2oo9-- i felt really good about this "new guy" in my life. as i write this sht ; i'm looking at the post right beside it. its funny as fck how sht just changes within like 10 fckn days.


remind yu: me & this dude have been talkin' for like a month now & sht; but we got kinda serious with the bae & im feelin yu; yu feelin meeh kinda sht bout 2 weeks ago.

remind yu: this niqqa comes to my house & stay for a whilee.

remind yu: he told me that his ex wouldn't get over him.

so I [ALWAYS] think that he lies about everything & all the sweet shit he says ; I feel like its all game - but when we chill - the niqqa is so deep & I can tell by the way he looks me in my eyes ; tht he speaks the truth . but its so hard to get use to hearing the truth & not just lies or game . anywho ; sht is going [great] right now . hope it stays the same . (: --my words .

soooo tonight; we were txtn & i asked; bae- why didnt yu come see me today? & he says - bae you didn't invite me, but can i come over? i reply- of course bae. so i ask; are you going to be here in one hour or wht ?

[[i ask this because last night; he was suppose to be here at like 8-- but this niqqa nvr showed. so at 9:30ish; he calls & he's all like; can i still come over? & i'm like uhhh whtthefck -- NO! & he's like please bae; i have a good reason . i was like NO! & he's like -- what if i bring you some candi & some roses? & i was like yeah sure whatever. & he's like im serious. & i was like yeah sure whatever.

fastfoward-- he shows up at my door with candi & chocolates ; so of course i let him in. ]]

PLAY: so he says he'll be here in 20 min. & i was damn sure surprised when he showed up after 15 min. so he comes in; everything is fine; i had to finish doing my hair, so he just watched TV while i finished. then we pick out a movie to watch & shit.

so were almost done with the movie & i notice he's gettin mad vibrations & sht on his cell ; that he's not responding to.

then 5 min later- i get a message from him on fcbk [facebook]. so i read the shit && it says::
hey larissa...this is *****, ********** girlfriend. could you call me asap? my number is 555-555-555

i re-read that sht like ten fckn times-- then i read it outloud. he looks back & asks- did she just snd that ? & i was like yeah she sent it from your account too. so this dumb sht niqqa turns around & continues to watch the movie. so i figure ima wait til the end of the movie to ya know say something.

the movie is over.
i simply ask him - are you sure that you don't have a gf?
he says i told you i did ; but were on break , well we broke up.
i say with a girl; being on a break; & breaking up are two different things.
& he says yeahh.

then he gets a call & has to leave.

so i call my btch & she tells me that i need to call ol girl.

so i call her & tell me why-- this niqqa got this girl pregant & she tell me that they are on a break , but still talk & tell me why-- im the THIRD girl that he's done this sht with. then she breaks DOWN ; crying & everything. i felt so fckn bad. & i said i was sorry; & she told me - i have no reason to be sorry; bc she knows that he does this- but she's still with him. so its her & his fault for lying. all the shit that came out his mouth were fucking lies.

WHT THE FUCKKK?

this btch is pregant & i was worried that she was being crazy & sht. ?


in conclusion -- i'm DONE with this BULLSHIT .

this sht is crazy as fck. i can't believe once again some bullshit has happened.

all i ask for when i'm talkin' to a niqqa is HONESTY & thats all i fail to get from EVERY niqqa i talk to . so ya knw wht;; i'm fckn done. i'm gonna play the fckn GAME just like them .

signed- a VERY fckn PISSED lc.carter

untitled*

sometimes i wish; i didnt catch feelings.i wish i couldn't open up & give people the best of me.its said that- the more you give yourself to someone; the more opportunity your giving them to hurt you.if that is true- no wonder why i'm always hurt.i tend to catch feelings rather quickly. i've tried with all my mite; not to- but my personality allows me too.i end up hurt; alone; and drowing in disappointment.its something i think i need to work on; but i'm not sure i'm how to.when i think that i've found that one person that is right & i think that they are right for me; as soon as i remove my guard; BOOM - i fall flat on my face. they change. everything changes

no more brace.

sooooo; 2 days before christmas; i had ACL reconstruction surgery . which fckn suck'd. && it was so hard; gettin outfits to go with the big ass brace. but...today i went to the doctor && now i offically dnt have to wear it anymore. go me.

very exciting moment.
(:

facts.

"after all of the times that we've tried; i found out we were living a lie ;
&& after all of this love that we made; i found out you dnt love me the same. "

real sht; real tlk.

fact; im still in LOVE with my ex.
-which makes no sense being we broke up [ages] ago.
fact; i see him everyday- & everyday; more of my heart is breaking.
- & i always said that i wouldn't be one of THOSE GIRLS that
let there "man" do them wrong & still be all in LOVE with 'em.
--but ; im that girl.
fact; i haven't been nor felt the same in a relationship; since him & me.
-i feel like i can't open up anymore to anyone else; until i fully LET GO.
it seems like i'll never be able to ; because i can honestly say
-if the niqqa called me right now & said he wanted to be together...
i'd be the happiest girl in the world.
fact; innocent guys get caught up with me & end up broken hearted.
- one, because i can't give my all. two, i can't let my real feeling get involved anymore.
& three, i don't trust ANYONE.
fact; i know i need to let go because we aren't EVER going to get back together; but its so hard.


signed - lc.

[soulmate]