the pain I endure cannot be explained nor measured by words. you have to live the life i lead to even begin to understand. do the things I've had to do to fully understand the level of tolerance I once had. the love i once felt , feels as if its disappeared & never existed from the beginning. if you claim to love someone so much, why do you actions come out as a fight against me? if the love you have for me is as strong as you say it is, why is it a constant struggle for you to do the right thing? all the apolgizes seem like a waste of my time. saying one thing, then doing another, is a waste of my time. just to turn around and be disappointed again, i don't think i can do it. i really want to have faith and believe that things will be different this time, but sadly , my heart won't allow it. maybe in the future if things come out different, i can start to have faith, but until then, i'm left in this broken condition that my heart just can't seem to mend.